I see some people who have family in the same city and I wonder how different our life would be if my own family weren't so scattered and fragmented up and down the country. Would we live in each others' pockets? Never bother to pop round?
It would be nice to be nearer, to have that connection. I do feel like the lone wolf in many aspects of my life; I sometimes even forget that it is possible to do things with other people - that burdens and joys were meant to be shared. I've done so much for so long on so little that it never occurs to me that anything is missing.
But this weekend I remembered that there is.
And here I am, back in the sphincter of modern Britain, walking back up the endless hill pushing that bloody boulder. Alone.
I need to get out more.